Jokes

"Aaj ka sawal-- Mohabbat ho jati hai ya karni padti hai??
......
.......
very simple..... Ladki sundar ho to ho jati hai aur agar Ameer ho to karni padti hai............"

"Cutest Msg--A cute new born baby asks d doctor--do u have msg pack??
Doctor ya i have but why?
BABY- send msg to GOD that i reached safely n ask him 2 send my Girlfriend soon....."

Prince Charles & Lalu were having dinner.

Prince said,"Pass the Wine Devine".

Lalu thinks "How Poetic?"

Lalu Says,"Pass the Custard You Bastard"....

"Some formulas for employee success:

1- Bane raho pagla kaam karega agla

2- Bane raho lull salary pao full

3- Mat lo tension, nahi to family payegi pension

4- Kaam se daro nahi kaam ko karo nahi.

5- Kaam karo ya na karo kaam ki fikar jarur karo

    aur fikar karo na karo but Zikar jarur karo"

"think u r sitting in front of computer,

 what computer will think?

u know?

"INTEL inside MENTAL outside."

haa haa haa.....

wait......

don't laugh! joke is not over.

u r standing in front of fridge,what fridge will think?

"cool inside fool outside!!!"

now laugh....

"machhar ka baccha pehli baar uda,

  jab wapis aaya to baap ne poocha -"kaisa laga ud ke?"

  maccha r bola bahut accha, jidhar bhi gaya log taliyan baja rahe the...."

"a man lost alone on an island.
  one day he decided to build a wood boat....
  suddenly a girl came there & the man use the wood 4 making bed..
  Moral = a girl can change ur aim"

"Santa - aapka kutta to sher jaisa dikhta hai. kya khilate ho?
  Banta - wo sher hi hai, pyar wyar k chakkar me kutte jaisa dikhne laga hai"

1-Manager asked sardar at an interview.

Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O- X.


2-After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?


3 - One tourist from U.S.A. asked Sardar:
Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!


4 - Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Sardar writes, "Gandi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.

5 - When sardar was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver
adjusted the mirror. Sardar shouted, "You are trying to see my
wife? Sit behind. I will drive.


6 - Interviewer: just imagine youare on the3rd floor, it caught fire
and how will you escape?
Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination! !!


7 - Sardar: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.


8 - Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!
Sardar: Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!


9 - Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.

A tragic LUV Story -

A PIG fell in love with a HEN.

1 day they kissed each other...

next day PIG died  of BIRD FLU

and BIRD died of SWINE FLU

"AJAB PREM KI GAJAB KAHANI".....

"A poor man catches a fish,

wife can not cook due to

NO GAS

NO OIL

NO LIGHT

man puts the fish back in the river.

Fish comes up and shouts

CONGRESS JINDABAD"

"AAM jindgi - hum 1 b ladki nahi pata sake, college k 4 saal barbaad ho gaye.

  Mentos jindagi - 1 b ladki hame nahi pata saki, unke 4 saal barbaad ho gaye."

"dosti ho to aisi-----

  Viru- main apna purse ghar bhul aaya hoon mujhe 1000 rs chahiye..

   Jai - dost hi dost ke kaam aata hai, le 10 rs , riksha kar aur purse le ke aaja..."

"1 ladka apni Gfriend ka cell check karta hai ye dekhne k liye ki usne kis naam

  se uska no save kiya hai. Jab usne miss call di likha aaya--

  Murga no -- 8."

" give me answer : agar aankhen milne k baad 2 aur 2 = 4 ho jati hain

    to do dil milne k baad 1 kyon ho jaate hain?"

"Hights of diplomacy..

  Forgetting GF's bday & later telling her

  "how can i remember ur BDAY honey, when u never look an year older..."

" 1 nursery class ka bachha bola - mam mai aapko kaisa lagta hoon?

   mam - so sweet.

   bachha apne side k ladke se - Dekha maine kaha tha na ki line marti hai..."

"17 century ki mom 2 her son - beta apne religion ki ladki se hi shadi karna.

  18 century ki mom - apne caste ki

  19 century - apne level ki

  20 century - apne desh ki

  21 century - koi bhi ho, kaisi bhi ho per ladki se"

"wife - shaadi ki raat aap ne jab mera ghunghat uthaya to kaisa laga?

  husband - main to mar hi jaata agar mujhe hanumaan chalisa yaad na hota!!"

"NEWS - indian player lost gold in long jump....

  SARDAR - he deserves to be lost!

                      who told him to wear gold while going for long jump!"

"wo aaye hum dekhte rahe , wo muskuraye hum chup rahe,

  wo bolte rahe hum sunte rahe, unhone kuch poocha hum shant rahe,

  jab wo jane lage hum chillaye - sir attendance to le lo.."

"1 baccha apni maa se pitne k baad ghar k bahar baitha tha.

  baap ne pucha k bahar kyon baitha hai?

  baccha bola- papa tumhari biwi k sath ab mera guzara nahi ho sakta."

"2 eyes r best friends. both will blink together, move, cry, see n sleep together,

  bt if they see a girl only 1 will blink..

  Moral - a girl can break any relation ! so be aware."

"Muskurana to har ladki ki adaa hai

Muskurana to har ladki ki adaa hai,

use jo mohabbat samjhe,

wo sabse bada gadha hai."

Some Laws....Newton forgot!

Law of queue: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.


Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.


Law of Mechanical Repair: after your hands become coated with grease, yr nose will begin to itch.


Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.


Bath THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.


LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.


LAW of the RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!


LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.


THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.


LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.


"shakespeae said...........
  nothing to me.
  did he say something to you??
  .............................
  nahi na.
  agar kuch bole to batana,dekh lenge saale ko!!!"

"santa: lalaji dettol ka sabun hai kya?
  lalaji : naak se ungli nikalte hue, haanji hai!!!
  santa : phir haath dho k 500 gm chawal de digiye!!'

"hum bhi smart, aap bhi smart.
 Hum bhi good looking, aap bhi good looking.
 bus 1 chota sa firk hai--
 hum DIL se saaf aur aap DIMAAG se....."


"ae khuda barish krva de,
 bas ek katori pani bharva de,
 or jo mujhe abhi msg nhi karte,
 usi katori me unka mobile dubva de,e
"na rahega phone, na bajegi tone"

"ek baccha toffee kha raha tha,ek aadmi bola itni toffe khana accha nhi. Boy-mere dadaji 105 saal jiye the. aadmi- wo toffee khate the?? Boy - nahi apne kaam se kaam rakhte the."

Why are friends necessary?